Do You *Really* Want to Be Her?

A New Perspective on Comparison and the Question "Do I really want to be like *her*?"

I can hardly believe it’s been four years since I began my coaching practice. These past four years have flown by, and the amount of growth that I’ve experienced is exponential.

You know what’s interesting about coaching?

How much *I grow* as I support my clients to grow. My one on one clients often say magical things that give ME new perspective.

An example of this magical perspective is what I want to talk about today…

About six months back, I was discussing confidence with a client, as we often do.

We made a plan for an experiment: This client would take herself on a people watching date, and pick out confident women. She would notice confident women and ask herself: what it is about this woman that makes her seem confident?

My client came back surprised…

The women who looked confident to her all had these things in common:

  • they seemed genuine
  • they were actively engaging with those around them
  • they seemed to take care of themselves
  • they were all different sizes
  • they were typically smiling or laughing, but if they were concerned, it was genuine concern
  • most of all, they were being themselves and owning who they were

She did NOT come back and say:

  • they were gorgeous
  • they were dressed perfectly
  • they were tall
  • they were thin
  • they didn’t have a blemish on their bodies
  • their hair was perfect

She came back with evidence of real women who were being authentically themselves.

They were owning *who they were.*


Personal reflection: This is the way God made us. 

At Church this week, as I looked on stage at our worship team, of all different heights, colors, and sizes, I thought to myself: “God is so creative. He made EACH of us with an equal amount of love. He loves my neighbor as much as He loves me, and He loves me as much as He loves my neighbor.”

I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with acceptance as I thought about this because it’s the TRUTH. 


As I continued to talk through this confidence experiment with my client, she said something that really stuck with me…

“Now, when I begin comparing, I ask myself: ‘Do I want to be her?’

And every time, she comes up with: “No, I want to be myself.”

What a sobering thought to knock you right out of comparison and into appreciation of who you are.

This realization that my client had taught me a lot.

Sure, there are moments where we wish we had someone else’s legs, butt, or hair… but ultimately, deep down, we’re only envying certain parts of this person – we don’t actually want to BE them.

There are unique and lovely moments and experiences that each of us have had in our lives that are only ours to have.

And reality is, you and me, girl… are only going to be OURSELVES forever.

As much as you might *think* you want your best friends hips, yours are here to stay.

It’s just the truth.

So, you MAY AS WELL learn to appreciate what you’ve got; it’s yours. Own it. 

Pause and think about the effort it would take to try and be someone else, for the rest of your life. I don’t have time or energy for that, do you? 

I didn’t think so.

Point is, you are never going to be someone else, and I am never going to be someone else.

So, let’s work on shifting our mindsets to being grateful for how creative God is, and how fun it is that He loves each of us equally. He made each of us with care, and to Him, we ARE beautiful and wonderfully made.

You were made with intention. You are not a mistake.

When you begin appreciating and caring for yourself just as you are, you will begin  treating yourself with more kindness and compassion. When you do that, you will want to care for yourself better because you like who you are and know you deserve to feel good.

Oh, and before you go…

The release of Authentically You, my new signature group program, is right around the corner. Get ready to say goodbye to comparison, guilt, and restrictive eating, and hello to a happier, healthier, brighter YOU. Join the waitlist for the next class here.

Love, Paige
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