Hey gorgeous… Every other week I send out a “VIP Q+A” email. I consider all readers who are on my mailing list my VIP readers. You’re the ones who I’m willing to get the most personal with, because you’re willing to get personal with me by welcoming me into your inbox every two weeks.
Several weeks ago (or maybe even months) I sent out a much loved VIP Q+A email where I answered a readers question: How did you know when you were at your natural weight?Today, I’m sharing that email with you, word for word, just as I sent it.
Here we go…
Just a reminder, my intention with these emails is to build a deeper, more connected, trusting relationship with you, my readers. I promise to get real with you as I answer your questions.
That being said, I need to share a DISCLAIMER. The email I’m about to share is extremely transparent and may be triggering to those currently struggling with an ED. Please note that this is my own personal story, and I’ve included numbers in an effort to be completely raw with you and illustrate my story vividly. However, if you feel that this could be a trigger for you, please feel free to come back later or skip this email all together.
So, back to the question, how did I know when I was at my natural weight.
Well, to start, let me share with you what my IDEAL weight was, and how that’s different than my normal weight.
I remember when I first started dieting, I asked my Mom what her favorite weight was. We’re the same height, and have the same body type and I was clueless about weight-loss at this point, so it was all I could think to do.
My sweet mama… She has always been SO encouraging to me, and would never ever ever mention anything to me about weight. So, to be clear, my Mom didn’t contribute to my struggles whatsoever.
She honestly/innocently told me a number, and I stuck that number in my mind for years. For the longest time, “127” was my ideal weight.
Being 5’9″, that was a HARD weight for me to maintain! Side note: my Mom also couldn’t maintain this weight. It was just a random number she’d remembered.
So, I researched how to lose weight. Figured I “should” count my calories, take herbal pills, etc… And that’s how I’d lose weight.
So, I did. And in three months I had lost 30 pounds and landed myself at my lowest weight ever, 120 lbs being 5’9″.
The most shocking part?
I wasn’t satisfied. At all. I’d weigh myself numerous times a day. I’d try new diets. For a while, 127 went out the window, and my new number became 118.
My body never allowed me to be at 118. No matter how hard I tried. It fought to keep the weight on. I had nothing more to lose.
But once I got used to the 120’s, they weren’t enough. I needed to keep going.
I obsessively exercised. Binged & restricted. I was OBSESSED with calorie counting. It was absurd. And at my lowest weight, I was more unhappy with my body than ever.
I was more concerned with BEING SKINNY over FEELING HEALTHY.
So, I’d pick “low-cal” options over the healthy & whole options.
I made myself sick. I started having panic attacks. I caught every cold that came my way. I was in and out of the doctors office. My moods were everywhere. I judged and measured my worth daily.
It was only a “good day” if the scale had dropped.
And then it usually turned bad because a low scale meant a binge later that night.
This was everything that was going on at my IDEAL weight.
Now, onto natural weight. One thing I will say, is that I think my body will be finding her natural weight for the rest of my life. AKA, it’ll change.
Because I’m a woman, and our bodies change as we grow & age, and that’s OK. Everyone changes over time. It’s the NORM. It’s not something we need to try and obsessively control.
What I’ve found, is that my natural weight is one that allows me to feel strong and healthy. And by strong, I mean mentally, physically, emotionally…
I don’t catch every cold that comes my way.
I have the capacity to love and focus on things in life that fulfill me. I’m really LIVING my life. I’m not distracted by food.
I feel comfortable.
I intuitively KNOW and can feel that my body is at her most natural weight, because it feels normal. And it’s TOTALLY different than my old weight.
If you were to ask me a number, I wouldn’t know, because I haven’t weighed myself in years. Rather, I just go by how I feel.
I held onto the scale for a LONG time. I was afraid that if I stopped measuring my weight, I’d gain. And gain and gain and gain. But really, when you think about it… that’s kinda ridiculous.
You don’t NEED a scale to tell you how you feel. You KNOW how you feel.
I now maintain this weight effortlessly, which means that my food choices are not driven by a weight loss or weight maintenance motivation.
Rather, my food choices come from a place of wanting to feel good and satisfied. Normal. Healthy. Whole. Healed.
So, for me, it’s not a cookie cutter formula.
I didn’t look up what my new weight should be. Rather, I allowed my body to arrive there (and she’s always arriving). I got rid of old clothes that didn’t fit anymore. I allowed my body to return to her most healthy spot.
At your natural weight, you feel natural. You feel normal with food. You feel healed.
You don’t have rules and restrictions guiding your every next move.
You’re not in the habit of over eating or under eating. It’s calm. It’s normal.
I would recommend: first letting go of NEEDING to be a certain weight, or size.
Instead, commit to getting to know your body, and what allows her to feel her best and the most healed. With this, trust that you natural weight will follow, and detach yourself from the outcome.
From my experience, picking a number and aiming for it won’t satisfy you. Especially if you haven’t learned to love and appreciate your body – learned to show her compassion regardless of her weight.
I hope this was helpful, and answers your question dear reader.
Thanks for allowing me to be vulnerable & real with you. I love this time with my VIP readers.
To End: Would you like to be a part of my VIP list to receive these emails + ask me your own Q’s? I always answer. Fill in the form below. Want to work with me to heal your relationship to food? Fill out this coaching application.