When my clients first come to me, they often say: “I want to be more confident. By the end of our time together, I want to have STOPPED talking negatively to myself.”
Who wouldn’t want those things, right?
So, what do I share? That at the end of our time together all negative self talk will disappear? No. I share something a little different…
I share that during our time together, we will work to turn down the volume on our negative self-talk, and we will work to turn up the volume on loving & compassionate self-talk. Self-talk that is kind and encouraging.
By the way, I learned this weekend that to encourage is to GIVE COURAGE. So when you encourage yourself… you’re giving yourself courage. How cool is that?
This is always a relief for the client.
A sense of, “ah, okay, this is possible. Realistic. I can do it.”
And at the same time, I’ll bet that some of you wish you could just turn yours OFF.
Here’s the thing… none of us sit and TRY to muster up talking negatively to ourselves. No. Rather, the mean talk comes up when we pass by a mirror, try on jeans, or mess up at work. The negative self talk rears it’s ugly head when we feel guilty, think we’ve done something wrong or less than the best, or when we’re in fear.
To turn negative self-talk completely off is unrealistic because you’re not the one turning it on in the first place.
All YOU are in control of is: 1) learning to notice it and STEP BACK once you hear it 2) change the way you let it affect you and 3) learn to catch it sooner and faster each time you hear it.
And when you catch it, the goal is to work on detaching yourself from it: “ah, there you are old friend… trying to make me think I can’t do this, AGAIN.”
Or, “ah, there you are, that voice that always tries to convince me that I’m not good enough.”
And what you say back…
Well, I am. And I can. And even if I mess up, I’m moving forward. Because when I do mess up, or something doesn’t turn out as I hoped, I won’t beat myself up for it. I’ll be there to support myself no matter what. I’ll be okay. It’s okay for me to make mistakes, to not be perfect. There’s no pressure here. This is life.
So, next time you feel guilty that you’re talking negatively to yourself, remember, the goal isn’t to turn OFF your negative self talk. The goal is to turn down its volume & power over you *over time.* And time it takes.
How will you practice turning down your negative self talk today? Share with me 1-2 ways in the comments here.