Stay Home Diaries #2

Without trying to be poetic (we’ll leave the poetry to the real poets!), the sun is shining through my window this morning hitting just right on my desk. Giving me all sorts of warmth and inspiration.

I just poured my morning coffee and writing is the first thing I’m doing today. Other than letting Abby out to potty. See, I told you I’m not a poet.

These “Stay Home” posts are my way of keeping track of what this quarantine/stay home demand has been like in our corner of the world.

Last night, I had a convo with a friend (via Instagram DM’s) where she asked: “How are you guys doing?”

Me: “Marco is starting to go a bit stir crazy being inside, but I could keep going.”

Her: “Yeah, I can relate. He’s not alone!”

Haha, we then went on to discuss how her husband is like me (he could keep going with this whole stay inside demand) and she is like Marco. And that most relationships have that balance. Not always. But often.

How about in your home? Are you staying home? (I love that as I write this I’m literally talking to the whole world – I mean, I don’t love that we’re in a Pandemic, but I love that we’re all in this together.)

I was having another conversation yesterday with a friend, who, like me, could stay home continually.

For me, this has been a season of simplifying. I’ll relate it to organizing:

This stay at home order – where everything is shut down and we cannot see our friends or family – has sort of given me that feeling I get after I organize and clean the house… where everything is back in it’s place, calm, clean, and it feels like for a moment, I can rest.

I did see a quote on Instagram that said something about those who are thriving during this time, and that they’re used to living/thriving/surviving in chaos.

Now, I really had to ponder that. I was stunned at first. Nearly insulted. Because I do feel like I’m thriving in this time, as best I can for myself, my family, and my clients. (How dare you try and snatch away the happy’s I am feeling right now – I’ve worked for these!) Then I thought about it: But is that true?

I thought about when my mom was sick and acknowledged for myself that this feels a bit like that. Where the world has hit pause. Only the most important things are left. The little worries fall alway. That was a “chaotic” time.

So is it true? That I thrive in chaos? Or, is it that I really just thrive through a simpler life. That what I really love most – my core values – are all being more honored now that I’m home.

I can cook, clean, work, spend time with M and Abby. I’ve had time for movement, daily. I’ve been in my Bible. We have been spending less money, which allows me to feel that we’re saving toward what’s most important to us… I’ve been taking breaks to sit in the sun. Taking Abby for walks. Really listening to my body (this has gotten continuously easier the longer this quarantine has gone on – at first, I was afraid, now I’m relaxed and trusting).

And you know… it may be a little bit of both. I do know that I have learned how to be okay through chaos. It’s my coping mechanism, if you will – to carry myself. When life is scary/hard, *I am* the one who shows up for myself, first. I learned this at a young age. And now, since I was 18, I also rely fully on God. Even before myself. And then, I lean on Marco, and so forth. But I start with God, myself, then those closest to me, and then outside of that.

If you read the Open Letter I wrote to my younger self, you know that a couple of weeks ago I found a lot of healing in realizing how proud I am of my younger self for surviving. How much I shifted my perspective around what I think/feel about her. That’s been truly healing for me.

I did thrive/survive through that season. Even if I was simultaneously clawing the walls trying to grab onto things that weren’t so healthy for me: boys, partying, dieting, etc. There were those things, but there was also a lot of introspection, trying to be true to myself, acknowledging that I had a hole that needed to be filled (God), but not knowing how to fill it. I worked hard, I cared about school, I got done what I needed to get done, I took responsibility for myself, I kept going.

So yes, I do know how to thrive in chaos. But also… as an adult, my home doesn’t have much chaos. I don’t choose a lot of chaos – I create boundaries instead. (I really learned the value of boundaries, growing up.) I feel like what this time has done is simply given me more boundaries, without me needing to do anything.

On that subject, I want to acknowledge that I’ve seen/heard a lot of women practicing more boundaries in this time. For example, twice now I’ve been told stories of women saying “no” to Zoom calls because they’re trying to not fall back into just busying their schedules. Hey, if you love to be go go go, totally fine. I’m speaking to the woman who doesn’t. Who wants to use this time to slow down and be with family. And sure, they may do a FaceTime/call here or there, but they’re saying no to what feels like too much.

This time has taught me a little bit more about where I want to say yes, and where I want to say no. This is a lifelong lesson for me.

I realize that I’ve known all along where I want to say yes/no, but that I’ve also questioned myself a lot for this. Do you really not want to do that? But what if you like it? What if you wish you would have said yes?

In hindsight, I realize that I will miss out on some things. I might disappoint people (I will), but that I have to be okay with that. I have to honor what I feel is on my heart. Because that’s where my purpose lies.

This post took a turn that I did not expect. I sort of expected to come here and share with you all that I’d been waking up, having a cup of coffee, going for a run, showering, and then getting to work. And that in the evenings I’ve been pouring a glass of wine (from this vineyard where we’re living!) or tea, and have been sitting outside in the sun watching Abby play. That we’ve gotten take-out a few times. Trying to support local businesses and keep our food interesting, but that I have felt good about eating at home most of the time. That I thought I’d want to use this time to read, but that I haven’t had the desire. That I’ve still been getting dressed on client days, and that this is a really important thing for me to do. It helps me to break up the day, which has also been really important for me to do. To have daily rhythms. A way that my days flow. We’re still in our stay at home demand until April 30th. Not sure yet if we’ll be extended. I wouldn’t be surprised, either way.

I haven’t been watching the news. I know some of you love the news and get your information there. But here’s how we’re different. I do not enjoy the news and never have. Instead, I get my info from friends (they share updates anyway!) and I choose a couple of sources to read updates from when I have the capacity to. Otherwise, I just keep doing what I’m doing to stay home – because that’s my part. I like to be informed, but not so much that I’m living in fear. That part isn’t helpful.

Here are some photos from the past week:

WFH Office
Our kitchen
Running outfit
Eggs, Potatoes, and Bacon
Sweet potato fries, sandwich with turkey and cheese
Abby napping
Grounding in the vineyard
The Vineyard in SLO
Flowers blooming
Abby Smiling
Abby playing
Abby Yawning

Okay, now that my Stay Home Diaries #2 post is done (see #1 here) and I’m more than halfway through my first cup of coffee, I’m off to create a new audio lesson for The Growth Vault, which I do every Monday.

Once I create a new audio lesson for TGV, I will use Monday Hr 1 to plan my week, which is a planning technique I learned from Brooke Castillo (I didn’t do the course, I simply learned from this podcast episode). If you want me to talk more about this, I will happily do so in a blog post. Leave a comment to let me know.

Then, I will check client emails and finish out this workday before 2:00 pm.

That’s how every Monday goes for me. And if you’re wondering the boundaries that I use while working from home (I stay very focused), I wrote about my top four WFH boundaries here.

Happy Monday – I’ll be back tomorrow with another blog post talking about what you don’t need to focus on in this season. (And no, I’m not talking about dieting – we’re going deeper than that.)

P.S. Random thought I just had that I think I’ll do today when I’m done with work… organize the files on my computer. (This is how my brain works, friends.)

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