I came across this photo the other day and thought it was a perfect time to share what was going on here…
I was on a trip with some of my girl friends in Palm Springs. We had THE BEST time. To this day, this is one of my favorite girls trips. (Can we go back?)
But… you wanna know what it was like for me the week before this trip?
I cried on the couch to my mom. I almost cancelled. In fact, I told my mom that I thought I SHOULD cancel. I was so insecure about the weight I’d gained.
I HAD gained weight. VERY necessary weight (see my story if you haven’t yet).
However… though I knew I needed to gain weight, it was still a struggle to accept myself (the number on the scale will never change the level of acceptance we have for ourselves – that’s an inside job).
I had ALL of the negative thoughts. I assumed ALL of the negative things people would think about me. I was blinded. Distracted. In the process of moving away from obsession (it’s such a process and is NOT an overnight success).
Now, looking at this photo… I wish I could talk to my younger self and encourage her. Let her know that she didn’t need to worry about any of these things. Not because she was “small enough” not to worry… but because NO one would be thinking about her body anyway.
And if they were, then that wasn’t my problem anyway. That was THEIR issue to deal with.
Going to the beach, vacations, the lake… it’s not about our bodies. It’s about being in the water and having a great time. Being in the moment. Creating memories.
I didn’t need to worry about my body then and I don’t need to worry about my body today. The same is true for you.
Though, bathing suits are STILL not my favorite thing to try on/buy/wear… I now know that it’s NOT about the bathing suit. It’s NOT about my body. It’s about the memories I make. The people I’m with. The new things I learn (last week, I learned how to paddle board at the lake and it was so fun!).
So THIS SUMMER, I commit to embracing my body as she is TODAY. She’s changed, and that’s okay. I take great care of her. I love her, I cherish her, I appreciate all she can do.
While I struggle to 100% accept all parts of myself (don’t we all?) I promise to continually move TOWARD a place of letting go and EMBRACING, rather than holding on and controlling.
You too? I’d love love love LOVE to have you come on over and join us in Self-Love Summer. In SLS we’re committing to summers that are focused on letting go of control, leaning into EMBRACE, and releasing anxieties around food/body/perfection. Come on over! We start THIS Monday.