For those of you who follow my mom’s (Dottie or “DotDot” as we call her) journey, I owe you an update. An update on mama, and an update on me, business, life… You’ve all held my mom so lovingly in your prayers and thoughts – thank you.
The last updates I gave shared how we were continuing to keep going since cancer. The update after that shared about the staycation-girls-trip we had with mama, and all that I wanted to remember from it – I’d briefly mentioned the immunotherapy she was starting.
So, here’s where we’re at with mama DotDot.
She’s stopped immunotherapy because her newest scans showed that the cancer had further spread. We’re now dealing with new tumors on her spine and skull (but not in her brain).
Mama Dot is in pain. It kills me to see her in pain – it’s excruciating for her at times.
She just got another round of radiation in an effort to shrink the tumors to control the pain.
We now have a nurse who stops by the house a couple of times a week to check on mom. We’re constantly monitoring her fever. We’ve made several trips to the ER, and even stayed in the hospital for a week this month.
The hospital was incredible to us. I slept every night but one with her. It was a sweet, sweet time for us. There hasn’t been a time where it was just the two of us at night since I was a kid. I cherished these moments with her.
We’re now home, in our own space at my parents house in Ventura and I’m staying with her.
My sweet, sweet husband Marco has been a world of patience, calm, and support amongst this storm. He’s been here on all of his off days, helping, visiting, and just being with us. This season has made our relationship stronger than ever.
This past weekend, Marco and I got a hotel in Ventura and had a mini-vacation, just the two of us. It was one of the most special nights we’ve had (hard to say this, because this boy has given me so many).
Blessings OVERFLOWED this weekend.
Let me just count them with you…
- Our room number was “1111” (isn’t that cool?)
- We got early check-in, late check-out
- They discounted our room because we have family who works there
- Our parking was comped
- We had free dessert delivered to our room
- Marco and I had an amazing dinner downtown at Lure and when we went to pay our bill, friends of ours (I used to babysit for them) had already taken care of it – my face dropped, and my heart completely filled
- My cousin discounted our drinks later that night in the lobby
- The next day, we went to brunch with Marco’s grandparents, and they too treated us
- We had quiet, special time together – just the two of us, and for a whole night were solely focused on each other
Blessing after blessing overflowed. We were in awe, to say the least, as we talked about everything the next day.
Family has been saying to me “Paige, you seem like you’re handing this significantly well?” I put the question mark… because I feel like they’re often in question. Like, are you really okay?
The truth is, I am okay. And there are also moments where I am not okay. These past few weeks have caused an uproar of emotion for our family. When something this hard hits, emotions comes out, from every angle. It’s tough.
What’s helped the most in my own life?
Learning to say no. Learning that this season of my life has just a few primary focuses, and that’s okay. I can’t (and do not want to) say yes to every angle of life right now.
This is a season to give back to the mother who has given me everything. This is a season to save time (right now, it’s precious time) for my husband, my number one supporter in all of this. This is a season to be extra careful with my work hours, and to cherish them like I’ve never cherished them before.
I imagine new moms probably feel this same way?
I’ve been mindful with my calendar. Knowing where to say yes, and where to say no. I’ve been excited to sit down and meet with my clients three days a week, because supporting them brings me joy.
Side note: Right now, I’m reading Big Magic in a book club that my friend Jen is hosting and I am co-hosting alongside her. In this book, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about enjoying your creativity and your craft.
My work just so happens to be my largest and most favorite outlet of creativity and craft. This blog, my clients, Finally Free, Authentically You (currently closed, but will open again the first week of November as an eCourse)… I love them all.
I’ve given myself permission this past few weeks, as my coaching practice is 100% full, to slow down on the blogging front. I knew you girls would be supportive – and that you have. This has given me the space to feel a slower pace. To feel calm. To soak up the moments.
So, I am okay, and I am not okay.
I am okay because I’ve managed to sort life out to be less stressful, and more enjoyable during this season. I’ve learned to say no, to almost everything, so that I can say yes to the few most important things.
And DotDot? She’s the same. She’s grateful for everyday she has. She’s up and she’s down. She’s has moments that are a little less hard, and she has moments that are overwhelmingly hard. We’re here for each other through it.
This season, and the next season are going to take our family on a road with all sorts of twists and turns that we can never prepare for. So we’re staying in the moment, right where we are, and holding onto each day we have. That’s all we can do.
Keep praying for mama Dot, however it is that you pray. She’s in need of: strength, comfort, and Gods perfect plan. She’s in need of love, wisdom, and joy in the midst of this (and joy she has – she’s never been more straightforward with any of us in her entire life, the truth is coming out! We’re really getting a kick out of this – I knew mom was funny, but this has taken it to a whole different level #PeedMyPants).
Thank you for your love. We feel it.