I’m having a moment, sitting at coffee, sipping on a black light roast… thinking about my clients as I write this post.
Thinking of their faces and the photos/videos they’ve sent me over the years. I love them so much. (Truly.)
I hear so many women in my work spill their guts to me about how they really feel about themselves.
“My arms are fat.”
“I’m just a big person.”
“I hate photos of myself.”
I hear these things as a way that my clients define themselves; a way that they think of themselves when they look in the mirror.
And then they send me photos and videos of themselves; photos of themselves laughing with a friend, playing a game with their kids, or laying on a beach enjoying vacation in a bikini and I can’t help but feel my heart sink.
They’re beautiful. They’re having an incredible time. The joy on their faces or the pitch of their laugh gives ME joy.
I would never stop to think:
Their arms are fat. They’re a big person. I hate this photo of them.
Like, what the actual F. Whyyy do we focus on these things about ourselves so much!? I’m in a heated moment over here in my heart. It’s exploding with wanting to shout from the mountain tops how awesome you are. How awesome I am. How special we are and how lucky we are to BE ALIVE and I’m so disappointed that we can be SO DANG MEAN to ourselves.
That we can take a person who is so full of beauty and life and love and minimize her to something so small.
STOP. IT. NOW.
I say this, also being a woman who criticizes herself at times. MUCH less than I used to, but I still do it, too. And that makes me mad. It makes me want to stand up and proclaim that it’s so messed up and that I’ll never do it again, but then I remember that I’m an imperfect human and I probably will do it again and that’s okay… and as long as I’m also willing to turn UP the volume on all of the things that make me a beautiful human.
- My laugh
- Willingness to love
- My curiosity of others
- Joy and any other feeling
- Passion for my work
There are so many special things about you. When you laugh, the world is brighter. When you share a real, meaningful moment with someone, connection is made. When you share a photo that is pure joy, crows feet and all, you make someone else smile.
Why do we put this perfect facade up? Why do we only want people to see one angle of our arms? Why? Why do we make it THAT important?
Don’t blame society. Don’t blame anyone else for a moment. We do that too much. You know what that does? It takes all of the power to change AWAY from you and away from me. If it’s societies fault, well then, until they change we’ll just feel like crap.
NO. Why do YOU not allow yourself to celebrate all of the things that make you ALIVE? Why do you not allow yourself to cherish joy? Happiness? Laughter? Regardless of what your arm looks like?
Why do you stuff yourself into clothing that is smaller than what actually fits you? Why do you judge yourself for what size you are?
My heart is burning with fire for how upsetting it is when we HATE and berate ourselves.
Today, do me a favor and reflect on these things and think about the happiest moments in your life. What did they consist of? Focus more on THOSE things.
SCREW what your arm looks like. SCREW what size jeans you’re wearing today. Wear something comfortable. Laugh. Be alive. Be YOU. Express yourself. Connect with someone. Do something meaningful. Build a memory. Have FUN. Use your brain. Inspire yourself. Read something.
STOP focusing on your body and STOP letting it stop you from doing things.
Thanks for being with my heart on fire today. I just love you too friggin’ much to not point out HOW HARD you can be on yourself. And how much those who matter DON’T CARE and how they just want to see that laugh, to have that fun, to make that connection. Stop making yourself small.
Finally, I’ll end with saying that YES, some people are critical of photos. I’m sure you have those people in your life (or maybe you’re one of them) who see a photo and say “this isn’t a good photo of her” or “she’s gained weight” (ugh!!) but the truth is, the people who do this are the people who are doing it the MOST to themselves. If you’re someone who is highly critical of yourself, chances are, you’re highly critical of others (yikes!). It’s true. SO if you can say that this is honestly you, I want to challenge you today to find beauty in EVERY SINGLE PERSON AROUND YOU. Leave not one person out. Start LOOKING for beauty. Every human is beautiful. When you change your lens to THIS FILTER, your lens of YOURSELF will change. Are you up for it?
ENJOY who you are today. You will never be someone else, you may as well start enjoying YOU.