I recently had a reader ask me the following question: “ I would love it of you could do a post on how to deal with days where you feel fat.. I sometimes struggle with that and I would love some advice”
So, the first thing I would like to say is this: I do not have high self-esteem 100% of the time.
There are definitely days where I feel less than great, and my confidence feels lower than normal. My confidence is not perfect by any means. And here’s what I’d like to say about this: we don’t need to aim to have a high self esteem all the time. Sure, self-esteem can be great to have, but I don’t believe it should be our main goal.
Instead, I like to think that we should aim for self-compassion (< book where I learned this).
So what does self-compssion look like?
Let’s pretend we’re in that moment when our thoughts are sounding a little bit like: “I feel fat”
- Check in with yourself and acknowledge what you’re feeling. Validate your thoughts by telling yourself that it’s okay to feel this way and remind yourself that everyone has these negative feelings about themselves sometimes.
- Choose to take a positive course of action. Ask yourself what you need to help you feel better in this moment. It could be anything-going for a gentle walk, making yourself a cup of tea (peppermint is my favorite when I’m feeling this way), laying down for 15-20 minutes, or changing into comfy clothes.
- Be your own best friend. Being your own friend and paying attention to your needs will allow you to build trust with yourself when the hard/”bleh” feelings hit. You will begin to feel safe with yourself to work through these tough feelings whenever they come up instead of turning to other means of numbing those feelings or trying to push them away as fast as you can.
- Lower your expectations. When you are feeling fat, realize that this is not a time to make a change. You do not need to aim to be “perfect” or “your absolute best self” in these moments. Just give yourself a break. Rest. Solid change never comes from feelings of guilt and shame. Instead, if you feel like you need to make a change, wait until you are feeling calm and a little better about yourself. You will have a much clearer thought process about it!
A time where the majority of us girls feel, simply put, not great, is right before our period. We all know about the annoying ways of PMS-about 12-7 days before you start your period, you begin to feel bloated and uncomfortable. I’m writing a post on this now actually.
So my encouragement is to begin to expect that you’ll likely feel this way each month during that time (especially if you can look back and see a pattern of feeling this way monthly), and begin to care for yourself. Remind yourself that there is no change that needs to be made because the feeling and bloating will go away. That relief always comes. So you don’t need to exercise more, go on a strict diet, or anything restrictive. PMS symptoms are temporary. I wrote this post on PMS and how to deal with it a while back if that helps.
It’s unrealistic to think that we’ll feel great 100% of the time.
We all have those days where we “feel fat” or just not our best. However, the goal isn’t to completely erase those low days (this would be an unrealistic expectation). Instead, the goal is to learn how to talk to yourself and care for yourself in a way that will alleviate those thoughts. We want to learn how to trust ourselves and know that we will be able to care for ourselves when those thoughts appear.
Now, it’s your turn! Share with me…
How do you take care of yourself when you have those days of feeling fat or uncomfortable in your own skin? Did you learn anything new from this post?