Two weeks ago, I would’ve never guessed I’d be sitting in Ventura, in my parents living room, writing to you all to share the hardest news that’s ever hit my family before. I woke up this morning, and wondered if I was in a dream. Nope, it’s real.
Last Thursday, after I’d finished up with my last client for the day, my mom called to share “It’s cancer.” She’d had a biopsy the week before on a solid mass that was found in her liver during a CT Scan (she got a scan because of pain in her abdomen).
I packed my bags immediately, called Marco at work and he came home and we drove straight down to Ventura.
I’m well aware that bad things can happen to good people. I’ve seen it, you’ve seen it, and I know better than to expect that any of us are truly safe from anything. But this one, it hurts.
My mom has cancer. We’re not sure where the cancer started, at this point the doctor only knows that it did not start in my moms liver where they found it. We’ll know more this week as she undergo’s more testing.
When you find out someone you know has cancer, it’s sad. You pray, you think about them, you hope they get well, you offer support, you send flowers, you’re there for them… But when it’s your mom. You’re in it. It’s so real, and your lens of life changes.
I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I’ve experienced in situ and localized cancer in my family – the kind you find right away, take out, and hopefully all is safe.
I’ve never experienced the doctors say that they’ve found cancer in a place in the body where it did not start. Which means, the cancer has decided to travel/metastasize in my moms body.
We’re in this with her.
Since you guys don’t know my mama, let me share a little bit about her…
My mom has always been my safe place. The woman I can go to, to share anything and know I’ll be loved through it. My mom, since I was little, is someone who I know will understand me. Someone who will support me.
My mom is the neighbor who will take you to every chemotherapy appointment you have, because she wants to make sure you have support. My mom is the old co-worker who remembers you dearly, and helps you as you age – does your grocery shopping, takes you to appointments, cleans your house, pays your bills…
My mom is the wife who is with you through anything. My mom is forgiver, a lover, and an absolute constant. My mom is the woman who laughs until she nearly pee’s her pants, loves on my husband (Marco) like he’s her own son, and holds her new grand-baby close.
She’s so proud of her kids. My mom is each of her kids (there are three of us, all entrepreneurs) greatest supporters. She believes in us, and her highest concern is to know if we are happy, doing what we love. Nothing else really matters.
My mom is a favorite auntie to many. A favorite nurse. And absolutely one of the most loved human beings I know.
To start to ask “why is this happening?” doesn’t make sense. I know there is not a WHY this is happening to my mom. It’s happening, and God still loves her just as much as He ever has, and He is so near to her.
I do not feel like God has abandoned us, and I am not angry with God. We are depending on God right now to take care of us, give us Hope, and know that no matter what, my mom will be okay. Her faith, and our faith, is secure in the Lord.
Marco and I are ready and willing to do whatever it takes to support my mom, and we’re praying and finding out day by day what that is going to look like for us. Marco has been the most incredible supporter – he loves my mom as if she were his own.
I’m going to take the next week off blogging. I’ll still be meeting with my sweet clients – I’ve never felt so grateful for a job that allows me to be location-free because I get to be in Ventura with my mom right now.
I won’t be back to the blog until next week as I want to create space in my schedule to be with my mom. I should be ready to start my new Open Up series (you guys sent in so many requests – I was so humbled to see the need for this series) by Wednesday, but I’ll keep you updated.
If you pray, please pray for my family. Please pray that God would continue to give us all hope. Please pray that God would help us to be strong for my mom. Please pray for a miracle for my mom. Please pray for peace. Please pray for wisdom. Please pray for strength as we continue to get answers this week.
I love you all, and I hope that me coming to the blog and sharing something so personal with you shows just how much I appreciate everyone here reading (my mom appreciates you too, as she gave me permission to disclose what’s been going on).