As women, I believe that we naturally desire to have some sort of control. Do you experience this?
I’m here to tell you it’s okay. We don’t have to fight ourselves on this.
Here’s where I stand. I believe many of us grew up with life feeling a bit out of our control — a bit uncertain.
Let me take you back for a moment into my old story.
Here are some things that I personally struggled with:
- Not really knowing who my friends were
- Not knowing if people thought I was “cool” or “not cool”
- Not knowing whether to be fun and crazy or conservative and modest
- Not knowing what would be going on in my home all of the time
- Not knowing where I stood in relationships
- Not knowing what I liked that was consistent (I liked change a lot)
Those are just a few really honest things that I felt unsure of growing up…
When I discovered dieting, man… it was finally something that I could 100% control. If I wanted to lose weight, I’d lower my calories. If I ate too much, I’d exercise harder. If I was going to be in a bathing suit in the upcoming weekend, I’d eat less and burn out my body in the Gym… I had so much control over my eating… I actually began to feel like I could control all of the above situations with the size of my body. I had all of these unrealistic beliefs that made my uncertainties disappear:
- Not really knowing who my friends were –> unrealistic belief: if I was skinny, I would have friends
- Not knowing if people thought I was cool or not cool –> unrealistic belief: if I were skinny, I would be cool
- Not knowing whether to be fun and crazy or laid back and modest –> unrealistic belief: if I were skinny, it wouldn’t matter how I acted. I’d be skinny.
- Not knowing what would be going on in my home all of the time –> unrealistic belief: if I were skinny, I’d have the emotional capacity to not let anything hard in life affect me (the biggest one for me)
- Not knowing where I stood in relationships –> unrealistic belief: if I were skinny, I’d be desired
- Not knowing what I liked that was consistent (I liked change a lot) –> unrealistic belief: if I were skinny, I’d finally have something that I could keep consistent
All of these used to be true beliefs of mine. Were they actually true? No. They weren’t. But I was so into wanting to feel stability and certainty that believing these things in a way made me feel safe. The sucky part is not only did they make me feel safe, but they made me:
Today, I have a different approach on control. Some intuitive eating coaches would say to just throw out the control completely — introduce everything you’re afraid of and do whatever you want/eat whatever you want in any given moment. But let me tell you… If you would have told me that while I was deep into all of this control I would have never believed even slightly that I could do that and still feel healthy.
Heck, my desire wasn’t to go the completely opposite way, gain weight and feel out of control. Not at all.
Anything to an extreme is unhealthy.
My desire was to develop the ability to listen to my body, let go of guilt, eat what sounded good, and maintain a realistic weight that felt good. Was that too much to ask? Not at all. That’s exactly where I am today.
I’m a bit different than other IE coaches… with my clients I work on healthy disciplines. I work on listening to your body and a gentle approach to discipline. Which, to my experience, actually feels really good for women. Instead of this discipline feeling obsessive, draining, and making them feel all of these terrible feelings (see 1-10 above)… they end up feeling:
Don’t those sound better? When thinking of the way I coach, those words came to the surface of my mind in a matter of 30 seconds. All of them.
I coach in a way that makes women take charge of their life. Own their responsibilities, but at the same time, extend total grace to themselves. I coach in a way that gives women the power to make change and create balance and flow at the same time. I coach with disciplines that leave women with a healthy feeling of self-control.
I had this on my heart this morning and wanted to share because I know that there are women out there right now that are believing the same things that I used to believe (those things from the beginning of the post). Those thoughts that you have that feel so real and are holding you back. If you want guidance, jump on my waiting list HERE and make sure you’re signed up HERE for the free resources I send out through email. Don’t hold back from this.